The satisfaction

Involving in events have been my interest since I was in secondary school. Being involved with scouting movement had made me more involved with events organizing. However I haven't done this for a longtime.

Until last week. Having attending the barclays. Make my old flame to come out again. And followed by the beach buffet after that. What I didn't know, I am getting old now and I don't have so much energy to do so anymore.

Anyway. The satisfaction I felt this week really cannot be felt anymore. I know my health is deteriorating but this is my life and line of work.. I must pursue my dream no matter what.

Always is ME

The problems never lies with you instead it lies in ME.. Yess! Me! How I treat you nowadays is due to my own issue with myself. I really don't wish that you hate me nor understand why I am doing this to you. However, I really miss having you around. Always making my heart pump irregularly. It was fun. I think one of the reason is I feel we won't be the same again.. So I try to push you far away from me hoping that I am the least effected concerning you.

You.

There is only 3 woman in this world that I "love " the most.
The first one is.... My mom.
Second is.... My beloved cousin( name not to be mentioned)
And the third one is YOU..
Yess, You..

I really care for you.. But you always... Disappoint me.. For one simple reason. Stubborn!!

You're the first person that I let myself being used. But,, you take for granted of the situation and everything ended not the way I wanted it to end..

Sooner or later it had to end..
It's just a matter of time..

Leave you be and you turn from bad to worse. Now it make me think whether I let you go in the first place was such a good idea? Or have I made a terrible mistake. As I recall, I double check before I made this decision..

Sometimes I think ppl can change as time goes by. And I think it's time to step back into your life. Pls forgive me if I am going make our life difficult in the future, but that's what it going to be from now on.

Sorry.. Sincerely,

Bala.

Not knowing

I always worry about you. Don't know what you are doing, where you are at now? All this comes into my mind. Especially who you're with.
Many many times I told myself not to care. I always cannot manage to do it.i May act strong in front of you. Just want to make you hate me. Sorry for doing that to you girl..

Me knowing you hate me make me live my life better. I will keep all my memories with me, cherish them, forever in my heart, locked and sealed for the entire life.

As for the lesson I learnt a lot from this epic journey. This really effects me a lot. Maybe cause it's my first encounter with this kind of situation. you've taught me a lot. I thank you instead.

Not knowing what you want, what you think, what you wanna do make me feel I failed you and MYSELF.it's time to move on with life. Let me end what I have started cause only I can end this karma.

The decision I took was not easy and I am trying my best to follow it. Sooner or later you will hate me for it. But I am sure this is the best decision and not the correct one. However I will be always there for you.

M, all the best in life. And always cherish your life. Alway remember that you're not as good as other.

IDIOT

Well, I think this word is good enough right now. Every action has a reaction. In this case, no action cause the reaction. And the result is IDIOT. I think there is progress. I am not proud of myself but I think being an idiot helps. I hate myself for doing so to her, but I have no choice.

I don't know why, but I have decided to do so. Treating her like that make me feel bad too. I am hurting inside too. But it's better this way. let her think that I'm an IDIOTIC person. Hate me please. Dun talk to me. Ignore me. I will completely get out from your circle, world.

I.D.I.O.T