13/02/2010

IT's been 3 month...

Last night we celebrated Sui Thong's Birthday Steamboat &BBQ party.. 

He is 20 years old this year and i Wish him all the best in his life.  

More update on the next post.....

scared

 I sacred of what?

 usually I don't feel scare but now I am worried about my cake decoration.

 I hate to say it, but I am really scare I can't get through today. 

SHIT LAR!! 

I will wish for the best later. 

hope I get through with no problem. 

all i wish for now is someone to comfort me and give me some moral support. 

Just make me cool down and think. 

I FEEL ALONE RIGHT NOW..

I am like a boy with a blank mind. 

Can't think of anything...  Brain dead. 

I know it's hard for me, but life still have to go on.

The only thing I can do now is to..........

 HOLD ON! 

I need to change my lifestyle

I think it's time to change my lifestyle a bit. I just have been eating and eating non stop for the last one month. A don't know why, but my appetite is big. For example like last firday at the pasar malam, I had Lok-lok, Creepe, Chicken Breast, Milk shake, and corn plus fruits for dessert. It has been a long time since I ate so much. I am a bit scare so i decide to change my lifestyle. My previous lifestyle is to eat and sleep and shit and drink. No exercise involved because I cannot afford to go to gym and I am to lazy to exercise.

Seeing that my belly has grown bigger in the past 1 year, I realise that I need to do some simple exercise. So the easiest way for me is to swim at least twice a week. And I should stop taking the lift and start taking the stairs. I am staying at second floor and I need a to go up to my house? ridiculous betul.. So from now on, I am going to use the stairs.  

so cute. i will try this pose.. 

If I had this stairs I don't mind going up 10 times a day. 

i feel like alive again.

Today I feel like I am alive again. 

I haven't felt that for a long time. 

And today I am feeling like that. 

This shows that I am recovering almost 100%. 

Good new for me and you. 

Finally i won't bug you anymore.. 

I have already passed that stage. 

It's time to wake up now.. 

last few month was the worst time for me. 

It took me a while to figure things out. 

sort my life out. 

been doing that all the time. 

but I still can find my old self back. 

lost somewhere in space and time. 

still not willing to let go of the beautiful dream. 

I'm like a lost soul in Earth. 

A body without it's soul.. 

But today, i felt my soul is back, 

I feel that i am much more  alive now. 

Everything i refuse to do for the past few month. 

Today i feel like doing it.

I can even think properly now. 

I think my brain is functioning

and of course my heart is also.  

It seems like I am alive again.

that is what that makes me happy. 

Myself. Me, Mua, Saya. 

thanks to YOU. 

Help me to find my lost soul. 

I have a purpose in life again. 

I am back.. Alive again.. 

=)     

___________________the end__________________

Niga neomu pogosip'eun nalen
Neomu kyeondigi himdeul naleneun
Neoreul saranghanda ipgae maemdola
Honja dasi tto CRYING FOR YOU
Honja dasi tto MISSING FOR YOU
Baby! I love you! I'm waiting for you! 

blur la me (pening)

today i am very blur, seriously blur, i don't know why my head hurt so much? i will suddenly feel very down( means into depression mode). then start to think nonsense again. OWH... i seriously don't like this feeling. Maybe because i had not enough sleep? i don't think so la, cause this morning i was so fresh. i think it's because of an issue running through my head for a very long time d. It had been striking my mind for few months d. Then after that i manage to control it and it only strike me once in a week. But recently it have been striking me very often and i really cannot stand it anymore. Well i still cannot decide what to do this time. Last time i handle this issue, i remember i went out at night to somewhere calm or just drive across the island to find some peacefulness. (orang gila ). well i think i still have to do the same thing since i will never put my guts together to face this issue and better more settle the 'Issue'.

well this is life la, everything doesn't go the way we want it to be. We will alway get partially what we ask for only. But still the main issue here is we all still need to grow up. Maybe i will find a way to solve this issue in few years time. I just hope that i can still hold on till that long. by the way i see it, it is really tearing me apart. how am i going to be Dr. bala if I can't even control this matter.. HAIZ..

this is my story for today.
good night blog( vivi)
Bal@nation